Noah rarely ever slept well. If he could catch four or five hours a night he was thrilled. Add to it the fact he had just gotten home a couple hours earlier and had not really been able to unwind, it was no surprise that he was awake when his phone lit up alerting him to a text message. Three in the morning was not the ideal time to receive a text message. Rarely was it a positive thing. He hesitated before retrieving his phone from the nightstand to see who it was. His best guess was something unintelligible, yet replete with expletives from Kellan cursing him out for having to go home alone. That was a best case scenario. He didn’t want to acknowledge the other possibility.
A sigh of relief escaped his lips when the notification on his lock screen bore Kellan’s name. The preview confirmed his suspicions of a four-letter tirade. Grateful that it wasn’t anything worse, he rolled over to try to get some sleep without even opening the message. Before he was even able to close his eyes his phone buzzed again, three times, in quick succession. Reluctantly he rolled back toward the nightstand and grabbed his phone again. This time the screen showed another message from Kellan, one from the number he was dreading, and one from a number he didn’t recognize.
Noah sat up in bed and opened the text from Kellan. He rolled his eyes at the incoherent rambling that cluttered the screen. From what he could gather, Kellan had locked himself out of his house in his drunken stupor and was sleeping on the porch. Somehow that was Noah’s fault, with recompense expected. Noah decided a night on the porch would do Kellan, and his ego, some good. He still felt guilty though. His instinct had been to protect that girl, not hurt his friend. He’d find a way to make it up to Kellan eventually.
The next two texts were from the nursing staff at RVW Hospice Center. She was having a rougher night than usual. There was no need for him to come now, the message read, but they wanted Noah to be prepared for what he might encounter the next day. He sighed. His mother’s illness had been prolonged, and Noah was the only one around to take care of her. His father had done the best he could but his illness was anything but prolonged. His passing really had been the breaking point for his mom. She had fought up until then. When she lost her partner of thirty years any desire to be in the world was buried with him. The world wasn’t done with her yet though.
Noah’s mom suffered from early on set Alzheimers and he had spent all of his 20’s trying to care for her. She had always been his biggest cheerleader. She never missed a school event when he was growing up. She had encouraged him at every turn in everything. When his dad passed and she took a turn he knew what he had to do. He left college and moved home. She became his full time job. Most twenty year olds would have resented giving up their personal life to care for their parent. Noah saw it as his duty. Family had always been the most important thing in their household. You sacrificed for one another.
The prospect of finding her in worse shape was a grim blessing. He had been praying for her suffering to end for months. Of course, the guilt that accompanied that prayer may have been contributing to his sleepless nights. He knew he would be crushed when his mom finally passed but it was to a point where neither of them had any peace. He wondered if she knew that at some level. Was she trying to unburden him? Even just thinking the word “burden” made his insides turn. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her.
Sadly, there was nothing he could do for her. She only recognized him in brief flashes of late. When he would visit she would talk to him as though he were his father. More often than not she believed they were still young and still waiting for their turn to be parents. Noah discovered it took years of trying, and disappointment, before he was finally born. Her life had been held hostage by anxiety, fear, and doubt for years. He learned all about the torture she endured in her effort to be a mother. Now, the truth was that his life was on hold for hers. Understanding her sacrifice, making her his top priority was the only way he could live in good conscience.
Moments of joy had been in short supply. He had watched as many of his friends finished college. Got married. Started families. While he was happy for them, he couldn’t share in their joy. How could he? He was nowhere close to any of those things in his own life. More guilt piled on in those moments. He would often wonder what kind of person couldn’t be happy for someone else? Who would want to be around someone as selfish as that? So he kept to himself and endured in silence, rarely venturing out socially, even when invited. He had gotten very good at being vague regarding time commitments so he could avoid awkward questions and protect others from the dreadful bleakness that surrounded him.
There were a couple of people who knew Noah and his situation well. They made the effort to reach out and check on him and continued to try to include him in whatever they did. Kellan had been his best friend since, well, birth. They shared a birthdate. Their moms met in the hospital and became fast friends between contractions. Kellan’s family had just moved to the mountain top and hadn’t met anyone yet. Noah’s mom loved everyone and immediately adopted them as family. Neither family had any other children so Noah and Kellan grew up like brothers.
Kellan’s mom had been there for them when Noah’s dad died. She had been there to comfort his mom when he was too lost in his own grief. She spelled him as caregiver when he needed a break in the years that followed. She made sure things like the holidays still happened and kept as much normalcy in Noah’s life as she could. Noah thought of her much the way he thought of his own mom. She could do no wrong.
Noah ran his hand over his face, a common practice when he was feeling overwhelmed, as he contemplated what he would be faced with tomorrow. Whatever it was, he would deal with it in the morning. There was nothing for him to do tonight. He swiped his messenger app closed in preparation to get whatever sleep he could in the next few hours. That’s when he saw the little red 1 in the upper right corner of his app icon.
He had forgotten about the third message. The number was local, but not familiar. He couldn’t think of anyone else that would be texting him at this hour. Dread began to build again. He wasn’t sure he could handle any more negatives.
“Sorry for texting so late. Just wanted to tell you again how grateful I am for what you did for Jenny. I hope Kellan doesn’t give you too hard a time. Looking forward to breakfast too. I promise I won’t burn the house down or anything. LOL XOXO”
Noah could barely believe his eyes. Questions blossomed in his mind. First, how did Loray have his number? Second, what was she going to cook? His refrigerator was empty, like any good bachelor’s should be. Then the more serious questions. How was he going to explain about his mom? What would she think? Why would she want to spend any time with a guy who had nothing to offer, and had to prioritize someone else over their relationship? The last question had him laughing at himself. He already had them in a relationship. Maybe he was more optimistic than he gave himself credit for. Or maybe he was just deluded.
Either way, he was going to enjoy breakfast with Loray. Everything else would sort itself out from there. He had learned not to make plans too far down the road, and to just appreciate the good moments when they happened. Nothing was certain so getting hung up on things didn’t make any sense. A beautiful woman was paying attention to him and he was not going to let that chance pass him by.
Noah set the phone on the nightstand and was about to turn out his light when it hit him. His room looked like a tornado had ripped through it. He knew the rest of the house looked about the same. With a sigh he tossed back the covers. Sleep wasn’t happening. She was too important.
Author Duane Deats 
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